Just a quick reflection on my involvement with religion while attending BYU... for most young men and women, to suddenly find themselves on their own, away from home, and in control of their own schedule -- its a huge change. And then to try and make those young students get up for church at 8am on Sunday? Give me a break. I rarely, if ever, made it to church on Sunday. And then there was just something uncomfortable about having Sacrament Meeting in the same room as your science class. This new-found freedom, compounded by the fact that I was 15 when I entered BYU, kept me from taking things too seriously during my first year.
And my second year. And my third year. Which is not to say I had lost my faith. Quite the contrary -- I actually had some very spiritual experiences while at school, some of which I hold very private and would rather not share here. And I also had some great leadership (my freshman year Bishop, for example, who managed the Cannon Center) and friends who tried to encourage me to attend.
Sometime during my sophmore year, living at Rain Tree apartments (stories about which will be added later) I was having a deep, philosophical conversation with Preston about family and religion, and he asked me what I would do if my family ever left the Church. I told him it was a ridiculous idea -- but he said, what if? I told him that I that I guessed it would shake my faith, to see my family walk away from their religion, and I would probably leave all religion behind me.
What is interesting is that when my family did leave the church (in a big way, let me tell you), there never for one second was a doubt in my mind what I believed, and my faith did not budge an inch.
I did a lot of silly, and sometimes destructive, things while attending BYU -- most of which were captured on film, and its amazing that I never landed in the standards office like many of my compatriots. But I really see now how many of those experiences strengthened me, and prepared me for marriage, church service, and life in general. Currently serving as an Elder's Quorum President in my Ward, I have a lot more compassion for people who make mistakes thanks to my own experiences, and I know what it is like to struggle both financially, and to cope when it seems that everyone around you have beliefs in opposition to your own. I am nowhere close to perfect, but I have a greater appreciation for the diversity of personalities in my ward, and empathy for their situations.
Anyway, enough of my soap box. I guess my point is that sometimes when you are unsure you have any faith in your beliefs, you have to rely on hope -- and remember back and rely on those times when your faith was strong. Oh, and my other point is that screwed up people can sometimes turn out ok.
Have you been reading my blog again?
Posted by: Jen | April 08, 2004 at 02:28 PM
no - i'll have to take a look through it again. i'm more of a blog skimmer...
Posted by: Porgo, Mop Boy to the Gods | April 08, 2004 at 04:08 PM