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Oh Joel, Say It Isn't So

                         

Alas, one of the founders of the Microsoft Cafeteria Tour is leaving the herd, venturing into uncharted waters, leaving the ranch, abandoning his friends, skipping breakfast, retiring his colours, riding into the sunset. That's right, Joel Oleson of SharePoint fame is leaving Microsoft to build his SharePoint empire. It seems like only yesterday that we co-presented at TechReady4. And it was not too long ago on a cold, wet, slightly snowy day we tried to get a moving van up your still unfinished driveway without having the van slide down the ice and into a swelling stream. Good times.

And who could forget those fun moments from past Cafeteria Tour events, such as the time we watched Doug suck down what appeared to be (from our perspective) some kind of cold oatmeal/possible monkey brain concoction? (eww, Doug, eww) Or the time we wolfed down large quantities of "the man" hot sauce, and to which I mocked you and Mike for dainty portions which led to me shoving an entire spoonful into my mouth, only to experience great pain moments later, much to your delight?

But most of all, I will remember you for your stories of the wild North American Midget Yeti which you claimed to have captured via cell phone audio, but which nobody else could discern from your crappy recording. But you attempted to recreate the sound, to much hilarity (captured on video) - and then we secretly mocked you for weeks and weeks. Ah yes, I suggest that the humour we find through the mocking of others is the sweetest.

Joel, with you gone, who will visit cafeterias in distant lands, but then never take pictures or share those stories with our MSCT readers? And who will rarely make time for lunch for friends, and then reply to email lunch invites days later when nobody else is available? And most importantly, who will pursue the dream and track down all of the segway drivers on campus, interviewing each of them? Ok, Microspotting.com has that one, but still....

Joel, good luck with your next gig!

Communal Segways: Displacing Pneumatic Tube Plans?

                             

Joel and I had lunch today (Japanese, if you must know) and were discussing some of our ideas for improving the gridlock problem on campus. Taking some learning from major metropolitan areas, where specially marked communal bicycles or automobiles are dispersed across an area for anyone in need, Joel came up with the idea of Microsoft Segways. You'd place a row of them in front of every building, and people would jump on and go. He pondered the cost of the current shuttle program, including vehicle cost and maintenance, fuel, and driver salaries compared to the much less expensive and much more hip segways.

My only concern, again looking to examples in San Francisco and other large cities who made similar attempts to provide shared transportation, is theft. What stops someone from just riding off with a Microsoft-branded segway? This could be easily remedied, we surmised, by rigging each segway with an anti-theft shock device and then building a massive "invisible fence" around the campus and the city of Redmond. I'm no accountant, but I have to believe that the cost savings of a couple hundred segways and the cost of the occasional life flight to evacuate a would-be thief who, due to a large electric charge, experiences cardiac arrest, would be huge.

Of course, I had to remind Joel that this concept would disrupt existing plans (ok, they're MY plans) for a giant system of pneumatic tubes inbetween all buildings, allowing employees to jump into a "pod" and rocket off toward their destination. Some minor safety issues to work out, but its otherwise a great idea.

I'm out.  http://buckleyplanet.typepad.com