BlueBadgeMojo.com

West Campus Progress (WCP)

                               

Now that Building 92 is up and running, the Company Store, MSLibrary, Visitor Center, and other celebrations of the Microsoft campus experience are soon to find their way into their new - and very beautiful - West Campus digs. On a recent visit, I took a couple photos of the buildings still under construction, only hinting at the hidden splendour soon to be unleashed upon Redmond. That's right kiddies, once the West Campus has been completed, you will have no need of those fanciful flights to warmer climates with sun and fun and white sandy beaches. All of your vacations will become staycations, as every workaholic whim will be met. Watch the video here. The building with the huge gray roof is 92, which is the old Eddie Bauer building.

Spacious, energy efficient design, connection with outdoors, tons of common areas, large cascading pools that could double as a swimming facility (just an idea), even more free soda, room for all of your 4600 cars underground, a soccer stadium, several restaurants and a pub, all surrounded by man-made natural beauty (?). Personally, I'm pushing for a Days Inn so that my staycations can be complete.

Microspotting

                                 

If I can break away from my Billg Rick-rolls and future cafeteria tour-stop planning for just one minute, I'd like to point people over to the Microspotting blog created by Ariel Meadow Stallings in an effort to dispel the preconceptions of Microsoft as the evil company. In essence, she took a bit more serious (i.e. professional, visually pleasing, management endorsed, actual content) road than I did with this BlueBadgeMojo blog (to each their own). Of course, I was instantly a fan of the site, and am a regular reader...but got caught up in the whole end of year cycle + vacation and haven't read through my NewsGator clippings for a month, and saw that Ariel is giving away swag for shout-outs to her blog.

C'mon people, how could I walk away from the allure of free swag? Saddle me up, Ariel! Oh yeah, and maybe you'd like to join our next cafeteria tour stop. What is next, anyway? The new West Campus buildings? The MEC Leadership Team keep telling me I need to make an official visit to Cafe A, which kind of breaks the model. But as it is a Microsoft mainstay, it might be a good filler until one of the new buildings are completed. Hmmmm....decisions, decisions...

Welcome to Your New Office

                       

What do I always tell you people? That's right, DON'T GO ON VACATION. Nothing good ever comes out of it. So what did I do? I took a week of vacation (and only checked email a couple dozen times), and my team lashed out. Ryan was the main instigator, but apparently they were all in on it. In Ryan's own words:

What can be said?  His turn was coming.  How could we let the opportunity to prank the one that has been known as the “king of pranks” get away with taking a vacation unscathed?  Because of the reputation that was built by our fearless leader, it had to be something great.  Something to be remembered.  Something for all to see and appreciate.  The one that tops them all!  So a plan was devised – we were either going to move him to a new office, or “compress” his office – meaning, take all of his stuff and fit it as tight of a corner as possible, utilizing the fine art of stacking.  The best use of all of the space – floor to ceiling would be needed.  But alas – another idea was presented – Why not give him an office with a view?  So it was decided that cbuck was deserving of the sky bridge, the one that connects RTC B4 and RTC B5.

                    

                         (what it looked like this morning)

The plan was put into place, and Operation: Dinner Out, paying homage to the movie Spy Game, was planned.  We used the code name in case he was expecting something and checking our shared calendars.  Sunday evening the move took place.  The goal was to move as much as practical out of his office and into the sky bridge.  All said and done, his 2 desk sections, phone, speakers, docking station, monitor, printer, file cabinet, refrigerator, bookshelf – with books, mug, and a Cure poster (for a homely feel) were moved.  While this was going on, you could hear the security cameras taking pictures, and I imagined somewhere in a dark room, Microsoft security was watching and that a visit would be coming shortly.

The best was yet to come – Monday morning as cbuck arrives, he enters his office to find it empty, and is helped along by his trusty friend – Dwight Schrute to help him find his new office.  After a good 5-10 minutes of looking, and walking the 3^rd floor, as the clues directed, he was unable to locate his office.  After a helpful hint from members of the BOSS team, he was able to find his new “workspace”.  The unfortunate lack of power in the sky bridge will require his move back to normal office life sooner than he would have hoped, but at least for a day, he will have the largest, most spacious office, with the best view in all of RTC!

-Ryan

The Ugly Sumo Ceremony

                               

These past few months have been hard: we've switched over to a more agile development methodology, moving from a 4-6 month release schedule to 2-3 weeks. We've gone through a couple minor reorgs in the past 6 months. And delays in internal and essential tool development schedules have made a steadily increasing workload more difficult to manage. So what do we do to help out the troops? That's right, we throw together a couple morale videos!

It began with AdSupport:

Video: Job Shadowing

 

Having finished the first video, of course we had to expand to BizOps:

Video: Living In Fear

 

In recognition of the stellar performances in these videos, at our all-hands meeting this past Monday we handed out the coveted Ugly Sumo award to Francis Yung, for his breakout performance in the BizOps video. Officially (in the press releases), the award was presented for "Best Dramatic Performance / Over-Acting in an OSG Team Morale Video, To The Best Of Our Knowledge." The Ugly Sumo, pictured atop this post, is a prestigious quarterly award within the BOAS organization, with varying qualifications. The first award was handed out for most unread technical books displayed on a desk (nice going Liz!), and the most recent winner was recognized for his fire alarm gaffe, forcing the entire building out onto the street until the fire department showed up to ensure no lives were lost, and to allow us back into the building (alright Joseph!). Thanks Mike for pulling together these videos for us!

And here are the Ugly Sumo nominees:

Video: Ugly Sumo Award

Oh Joel, Say It Isn't So

                         

Alas, one of the founders of the Microsoft Cafeteria Tour is leaving the herd, venturing into uncharted waters, leaving the ranch, abandoning his friends, skipping breakfast, retiring his colours, riding into the sunset. That's right, Joel Oleson of SharePoint fame is leaving Microsoft to build his SharePoint empire. It seems like only yesterday that we co-presented at TechReady4. And it was not too long ago on a cold, wet, slightly snowy day we tried to get a moving van up your still unfinished driveway without having the van slide down the ice and into a swelling stream. Good times.

And who could forget those fun moments from past Cafeteria Tour events, such as the time we watched Doug suck down what appeared to be (from our perspective) some kind of cold oatmeal/possible monkey brain concoction? (eww, Doug, eww) Or the time we wolfed down large quantities of "the man" hot sauce, and to which I mocked you and Mike for dainty portions which led to me shoving an entire spoonful into my mouth, only to experience great pain moments later, much to your delight?

But most of all, I will remember you for your stories of the wild North American Midget Yeti which you claimed to have captured via cell phone audio, but which nobody else could discern from your crappy recording. But you attempted to recreate the sound, to much hilarity (captured on video) - and then we secretly mocked you for weeks and weeks. Ah yes, I suggest that the humour we find through the mocking of others is the sweetest.

Joel, with you gone, who will visit cafeterias in distant lands, but then never take pictures or share those stories with our MSCT readers? And who will rarely make time for lunch for friends, and then reply to email lunch invites days later when nobody else is available? And most importantly, who will pursue the dream and track down all of the segway drivers on campus, interviewing each of them? Ok, Microspotting.com has that one, but still....

Joel, good luck with your next gig!

BTLFH, You Are Legend

                           

While this entry deals with a topic off-campus, it is important nonetheless. Well.....important to those of us who make the commute to and from the communities east of campus (Duvall, Carnation, Monroe). It is the stuff of legends. It is the story of the Blue Truck Lady From Hades (BTLFH).

It all seems innocent enough: a woman in a blue truck with a camper shell, apparently frightened to death of moving vehicles, driving under the speed limit. Well under the speed limit. In high traffic times. And she has been known to swerve to discourage anyone from passing her.

I can go on and on, describing the experiences I have lived through personally and try to articulate the trauma experienced by others, but I thought it more appropriate to share the stories told by the actual people who lived through them (pulled from one of the work DLs):

I read a previous thread “BTLFH sighting on Novelty Hill tonight”.  I was right behind her tonight – 7:25PM – coming down over Redmond Ridge right up through Duvall.  I didn’t clue in until we hit 10MPH winding down Novelty Hill Road.  It was like I met someone famous – “I know this truck!”

It wasn’t too bad because I was the second car in the line.  But if I were the 15^th car (as there were in this lineup) I’d wonder WTF is going on.  You’d think she’s transporting volatile chemicals in glass vials. 

And another experience:

She drives no more than 15-20mph wherever she goes, even if there are 100 cars she’s holding up – and the speed limit is 45, 50 – doesn’t matter.

Usually encountered during your commute to work or home – I’ve usually seen her on Novelty, but I’ve also seen here on Snoqualmie Valley Road & 124^th. 

It’s almost funny anymore – no point in losing patience over it

And another:

I think I have told this story before on this alias, but I once saw a guy driving a big truck spend about 10 minutes or so yelling at the Blue Truck Lady from Hell (where did this Hades come from?).   The truck driver, I think it was a cement truck, followed her all the way up the twisties to the top of the hill where construction stopped all traffic.  The delays were about 15 minutes each way at that construction site and the truck driver got out of his truck and “discussed” the situation with her for the full delay.  I was about 2 cars behind and loving it.  As soon as we were let through the construction, a miracle happened: she pulled over and let everyone pass.

And another:

I turned off of Novelty onto Avondale this morning and she suddenly appeared in front of me.  I am no longer a BTLH virgin.  It was voodoo magic – I hadn’t been behind her on Novelty (although the entire line of cars had come to a screeching halt on the curves, I should have guessed it was her).  She just appeared!  As we cruised along at a whopping 15 MPH going down Avondale, I decided to pass on the left and get a look at her.  She doesn’t look like a crazy cat lady, she looks like someone who is petrified of driving.  She was gripping the wheel like she was strangling it and had a very worried look on her face.  I swear she winked at me when I drove by.

Nobody knows the full story behind BTLFH. What we do know is that the area police have pulled her over on occasion, and our understanding is that she was even threatened with having her license taken away if she continued to be a hazard. It is said that she was let off with a warning and told to only drive in off-hour commute time. But as you can see from these stories, which are all more recent, that she is still out there impacting the ride home, and the legend grows.

Drive on, BTLFH, drive on....

TPKE, baby!

Last summer my org had a huge offsite in alignment with the annual company meeting, during which we launched some new organizational services standards - which guide us in how we service our customers. To help cement these standards in our minds, a group of guys pulled together a fake boy band (ClickThru) and lip-synced to an awful boy band tune, creating a dance routine and a video. They then performed live on stage for us. It was hysterical, and I loved the idea of an organization theme song. But I hate boy band music. So I took a couple sound clips, removed all of the music (to get it past legal, the only thing that could remain were the voices), and recorded and remixed a more hip, cool version. Check it out. Download tpke_cbuck_redux.mp3

And then I went a little crazy, creating an industrial/goth version: Download tpke_cbuck_vs_nitzer_ebb.mp3

Pranked, De-pranked, Re-pranked in RTC

                                 

I've learned a lot about office hijinx these last few months here in Ad Support: for one, read the label on the cans of dollar store silly string, and maybe test the stuff out on a hidden corner of furniture, because the stuff stains. Which means your team will incur some expense to repaint, and you'll spend a weekend or two scrubbing your peer's desk with Magic Erasers (which really are magic, btw).

So this time around, we needed to do something that wouldn't cause any permanent damage. The target = a manager on a 6 week paternity leave. The prank? To fill his desk with as many stuffed animals as possible, with no help to remove the bounty after he returned.

With the target on vacation in early December, emails started circulating asking for donations, and a small pile of animals began to appear on his desk. All was going as planned. And then came the boneheaded move by someone in a partner team -- the person emailed the target asking where to drop off the donated stuffed animals. Doh!

Within the hour, the target, being the dedicated employee that he is (workaholic) forwarded the email to me (of all people!) asking what the person was talking about. I denied any knowledge of the prank, of course.

As we sat and deliberated on our options, someone can up with a great idea -- remove any signs of the prank, allow the target to return from vacation and find his office clean, and then hit him a week later when his guard was fully down. We agreed, quickly found a temporary home for the loot in another office (Thanks Todd!), and tried to get the word out to everyone to stay quiet.

The day he was back in the office, it was obvious that he expected some kind of prank, and was a little disappointed that nothing had been done to his space. I passed by his office and casually said hello, and he asked me again about the stuffed animals - because apparently people had come by asking where all of the animals had gone (c'mon, people!). On the spot, I made up a story detailing how we had used his vacant office as a staging area to collect stuffed animals for charity, and people must have misinterpreted it as a prank of some kind. He bought it.

So two days later when we hit, he was completely thrown off guard. He went to lunch, and we struck. We pranked him, we de-pranked him, and then re-pranked him. And hey, no permanent damage to Microsoft property! Bonus!          

Arrgh! It Be a Pirate's Life For Me

In celebration of the International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19th), I brought gifts of pirate gear for my team. I handed out eye patches, handy hooks, swords, hats, and pistols for any takers. I was able to capture a few shots of folks wearing the gear. In fact, I wore an eye patch to an MBR with my manager and our Sr. Director. They tried to ignore me, of course. Every time there was a pause in the discussion, someone was always right there with an "Argh!" or "Avast ye!"

For those of you unfamiliar with the official holiday, there is more information on Wikipedia.

Of course, my real intent was to instigate an all out battle of pirates versus ninjas. Because everyone knows that the two are mortal enemies. Plus, ninjas are just much cooler than those lame, drunken, stupid pirates. My buddy Doug IM'd me after I asked him to participate in my ninja assault, telling me "I'll be a pirate. I'm too tall to be a ninja. Plus, ninjas are weak. They hide in shadows like pansies."

A few minutes later, Doug was found unconscious, stuffed in a utility closet with a nunchuck buried in his  forehead. It happens, folks.

Ninjas would totally beat pirates. Duh. Read all about Real Ultimate Power, my friends. Or get a regular dose of ninja wisdom at one of my favorite sites, AskANinja.com. And prepare yourselves now for the next big holiday -- Day of the Ninja, which is rapidly approaching on December 5th!

Creative Decorating

No matter how hard-working and close-knit your team is, there comes a time when somebody reaches their limit -- and goes on vacation. Push yourself away from the table, my friends, because you are intellectually full. It's time to get away, enjoy some time with your family and friends, and take a well-deserved break.

                    And that's when your teammates turn on you.

You might return to find your desk and workstation covered in a couple thousand post-it notes.

Or you might find yourself digging through five 24-roll packs of toilet paper just to find your desk.

 

Feeding on your strong dislike for cats, they might find it funny to place pictures of cats throughout your office, and set you up with a nice little cat bed, toy and cat food, plus a kitty litter box complete with fake poop, lovingly crafted out of tootsie rolls (at least they tasted like tootsie rolls). 

But what is better than coming back to work to find your desk covered with gift-wrapped presents? Good luck finding your stapler.

Beware the vacations, folks. Don't fall into the trap. Because if you do, you might get hit. And then things will start escalating, productivity will suffer, and stockholders will start to get nervous. Bill and Steve will have to start making regular statements to the press to calm everyone, but the stock market will still take a nosedive. At that point, the federal government will get involved, declare Marshall law, and relinquish many of our rights -- all because of your selfish 3-day trip to Disneyland. 

It's just not worth it, people. Just plan on working 7x24...  

Post Mid-Year Food Festivus

As advertised, a group of us met up for lunch at the Building 26 Cafeteria for the fantabulous PMYCDFF2k7 event, dusting off and then sharing all of our favorite mid-year career discussion stories. <sarcasm>Surprisingly</sarcasm>, the stories were fairly consistent -- our collective experiences were uninspiring. I don't know...maybe my expectations were too high. I thought I'd get some more specific feedback and guidance on my career options. Apparently, the folks at the table were equally unimpressed with their experiences. Bummer. Nothing groundbreaking to fill this blog entry. And so we turned our attention to eating.

In the picture on the left are Mike, Jonathan, Drew, and Drew's bike. (I should also mention that Drew didn't wear his helmet on the ride over, and got yelled at by a cop). On the other side of the table were Doug, Chris, and Christian. Yes folks, it was as exciting as it looks. Woo.

For those of you who don't blog, here's a great best practice: if you're going to blog on a specific topic or event, don't wait several days to do it. Write about it while its still fresh in your mind. I've already moved past this event, and frankly, I'm kind of busy today. Busy = lame blog entry.

But hey, you get what you pay for, right?

Beggars Banquet at MS

[Updated to pay proper homage to Heather, who first introduced this idea]

We've all heard the tales of interns and newbies roaming the campus in search of sustenance, but where are the "hot spots" of free food? I just polled the BlueBadgeMojo DL for their thoughts, and got a nice kickoff to the topic from Ann [although the idea originally came from Heather], who claims she "knew someone" who made a practice of scavenging on campus for food. Sure Ann, sure. Don't be embarrassed - we all go through tough times. Do you need to borrow some cash?

Why am I thinking about this today? Maybe sitting here listening to Tom Waits made me think of my own lean college years. Or, more likely, Tom Waits himself made me think of dumpster diving. Who knows. [One thing is clear -- Heather suggested this topic at one of our MSCT2k6 events, so all props must go to her]

Here's Ann's list of hot spots:

• B11 outside the 2088 training room when there are customer IT fellowships
• Conference center/33 for free food for QBR’s, all hands and training
• Monitor the new grad and intern DL’s for social events – game Wednesdays, once a month dances, etc.
• Monthly Friday socials on the 4^th floor of b115
• Monthly happy hour in Liberty (I think they are on Fridays too)
• I'll also add the 3rd floor kitchen in 44 (to the right exiting the elevator) - those folks are always ordering food.

Please feel free to add to this list [which does not adequately encapsule the great wisdom and creativity provided by Heather on this subject, or most other subjects, for that matter]. It might also make for a nice campus map overlay, right up there with my idea to create a "slackers guide" to campus game areas. It's all good.

Ok, back to work!

Slack-Time Quantified

As part of the advanced research studies conducted here on Blue Badge Mojo, we've recently received funding (ok, not really) to pursue an internal study on the impacts of non-business stress-relief recreational facilities on employee health and well-being, consisting of both intense field research and lab analysis. That's right....we're documenting all of the places on campus where a person can slack. Pool tables, foosball, pinball, XBoxes, and so forth. For obvious security reasons, we will be unable to share the results of this comprehensive study with non-employees, but for the low low price of joining the Microsoft team (applicable shipping and handling fees may be applied), you too can share in the wealth of knowledge of STI2k7 (Slack-Time Initiative 2007).

We're looking for study participants.

Zune Envy

I'd love to see the storyboards behind the creation of this viral video for Zune. And I'm sure the conversation between creator and manager was worth recording:

Designer: "It's artsy. It's odd, and therefore hip. Oh, and it's eye catching. Literally."
His Boss: "Um, don't you think it kinda looks...well....phallic?"
Designer: "I hadn't noticed."
Boss: "Really. And you went with a flesh color."
Designer: "It's called 'Sahara Tan'."
Boss: "Ok, I'm sold. Let's run with it."

Video: ZUNE WTF EYES 

People have been posting comments about it all over the web, trying to understand the "deeper meaning" behind the choice of creatures, colors, storyline. But I think the spot was brilliant, because it achieved exactly what was intended -- people are talking about it.

I was walking througha  building last week and came across one of the many Zune posters flanking our halls these days, and noticed a similar design theme:

               

Ok, someone has been listening to a lot of Pink Floyd.

Automatic Hand Sanitizing Door Handle

There is not enough Purell hand sanitizer in my world. I am not particular about the brand, but I am glad that Purell has gone ahead and tried to be a category-killer here.

When I exit the restroom, I am one of those who uses a paper towel to grab the handle. Yes, I know all about the studies that suggest I get more germs from the earpiece on my phone, that germs are everywhere, that a toilet seat has fewer germs than the inside of a typical human's mouth.

I don't care. I prefer to be irrational and over-cautious with this issue.

Why am I so worried about the handle on the door as I exit the restroom? Because I see how many people 'take care of business' and then exit without washing their hands. I don't need to get graphic to convey the simple fact that the excreta potentially lingering on their hands are transferred to the door handle.

In the interest of public safety, especially in the workfplace, BlueBadgeMojo.com introduces the AutoSantizer Door Handle (Patent Pending).

Here's what it looks like:

If there is an engineer who would like to undertake this project with BlueBadgeMojo.com, please post a comment, and we can take world health to a new level.

We need to protect those of us with the basic common sense to wash our hands after "TCOB" (as Elvis used to say).

Is this an over-zealous improvement? I think not.

John

http://blogs.msdn.com/johnrdurant

http://painjunkie.spaces.live.com